This Side of the Mountain

Adoption can truly be one of those "mountain-top" experiences.  You know, the kind of thing where you are so excited about what's to come that it feels like you're living in some kind of dream-like state, like when you wake up and you have to pinch yourself to make sure you really are about to experience this beautiful thing that's happening in your life.  Of course, all this fairy tale romanticism isn't exactly shared by our little one who is waiting for us.  The children never have a clue what is happening at this point in their adoption; they have no reason to expect anything different is coming.  But we KNOW!  We know our family is about to get bigger and a child's life is about to change forever and nothing in any of our lives will ever be the same!

The Kremlin towers in Moscow

It's good to be back at this place on the mountain top...but I know God doesn't intend for us to stay here. And that's fine.  I'd never really grow, otherwise.  All three of us have been in a pretty intense valley of growing for these past six years, and none of us are the same, by God's grace!  In fact, I'm sure one reason we have needed to do so much growing is to make us ready for this next little one's homecoming.  Still, it's a blessing to be savored being at a place once again where there is so much joy and hope and expectation of what God is doing in our family!  He is so patient!  I can hardly believe that He has said we are ready for this adventure... but I'm so sure He has.


We have been singing this song in our worship services lately and I I think it just perfectly sums up what God has been doing in our family and what He is doing now through this adoption, too.  He is just so good.  It's truly only by His grace that we are where we are today.  As Matt says, "Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise..."

NEVER ONCE
by Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us


Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

We are days away from meeting our little Lukas.  Hold on, little one!  Your faithful God is bringing you your family!

Anticipating....... LUKAS! :)

Funny thing about anticipation... you look forward to something that has not yet happened, so the chances of what you are looking forward to being different than what you originally thought are quite good.  And that's O.K.!  In fact, it's great, because it's a reminder that God is in control and has the ability to move in all kinds of different directions as He wills, and for our good.  God has intervened in our anticipation, and we are so thankful that He did!

"Sini Sabaka" (Blue Dog in Russian). 

So, to that end, and despite the blog title, we are now anticipating "Lukas." And we can hardly contain our excitement!

Last Monday we received a small amount of information about a little boy in Russia who needed a family.  Officially, this is called our referral.  We were instantly in love, and in less than two weeks time we will be holding that little one in our arms and making memories that we will remember for the rest of our lives.  Mikhail will have a little brother... and Mama will have her hands very full. :)

Since we found out about this little one, our activities have been a whirlwind of visas and tickets and details and lists.  Yet in the midst of all the crazy preparation, we don't forgot to stop and think about who it is all for- the one who we have anticipating for so long.  Little Lukas Fortner, so loved already with no clue what awaits him.  It's like time is moving way too fast for all that needs to be done, and at the same time, time just stops when we think of our newest family member.  What will he be like?  Will he like hot sauce on his tacos like Mikhail?  Will he will he hate cucumbers like Papa?  Will he love the rain like Mama?  How will he be his own little guy, with his own little quirks and own little preferences?  Time will tell...

Our family would greatly appreciate your prayers for our trip to meet our baby.  It's an amazing adventure that God is blessing us with, and that's the perspective that will keep us going when things get difficult and we are all over tired.  Mostly, we need prayers for our hearts as we have to leave the country without Lukas.  It will be a long wait for us, waiting to find out when we can return for our court date.  Please ask God to fill us with His peace until the day when we can bring Lukas home to be here with us forever.  Our family ambassador, Sini Sabaka (pictured above), will be able to stay with Lukas until we see him on our next trip. Lucky dog. :)

1 Thessalonians 5:24:-  "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass."

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Our Dossier is in Russia!

One of my favorite pix of "church row" in Moscow, from our trip to get Mikhail. 

Ken realized yesterday from looking at our FedEx account that our dossier had been sent over that big old ocean and arrived in Russia last Friday.  It's probably being translated, then sent to the Department of Education to be reviewed before we receive our referral information.  It's SUCH a good feeling knowing we are finally dealing with the Russian gov't side of the adoption.  PROGRESS!

Please pray with us that the hearts of those who touch our paperwork and read about our family will be directed by God and the whole process will  move along efficiently.

 Of course, please pray, too, for our sweet little one who is waiting for us with know idea how their little life is about to be impacted!  What good gifts await you, sweet one!

Meanwhile.... I'm off to price garage sale stuff! :)

Beauty from Ashes- Six Years of God's Growing Beautiful Things in Mikhail's Heart

By God's beautiful grace alone, this past weekend we celebrated our 6th anniversary of being a family.

This year was very different, as Mikhail's "Gotcha Day" caused me to reflect back to when he came home, but also on our second child's adoption, and what impact this will all have on Mikhail.

I think my little boy recently received the biggest compliment he could ever possibly receive about all that he has learned and the hard, hard healing he has achieved through this six years of being in a family.  The compliment was from God, and it so took Ken and I by surprise that it didn't sink in for several weeks after He spoke.  God said to us this:  Your son is ready to be a big brother, and he is ready for all the adventures that lie ahead in bringing a new child into your family.


These next few months will be rough for Mikhail.  For any child, the endless plane and train rides, jet lag, unfamiliar culture and surroundings would be difficult.  Also, adjusting to another child in the house and sharing attention from his parents will be a challenge for him.  But Mikhail has unique needs, too, that stem from his losses early in life.  He has fears that are deep rooted and creep up on him over things that seem so innocent and normal.  And yet God has said, "He is ready."  

I'm in awe of my boy for this.  Oh, the hours of heart surgery that he has endured!  I'm in awe of God, too- of His faithfulness, His mind renewing abilities, His glorious plan in the midst of terrifically hard circumstances.

God knew this time would come, even when my doubt was great.  For literally years Ken and I have argued with God about adopting again for this very reason.  "He's not ready, God!  It's too much!  He has more healing to do!"  But God has spoken so clearly now that we know that we cannot argue.  We shut our mouths like Job...and anticipate amazing things!  My boy- with all his struggles and all his need for greater depths of healing- my boy is ready to go on a journey that will change him forever.  I couldn't be prouder!  All this growing has come at a pretty high price, and my heart soars to think that God is blessing him now with such a terrific gift.

This hard, dirty work God has brought our family through is reaping a harvest of beauty.  It's been an immense privilege to watch my strong boy endure what it has meant for his heart to heal.  We grown ups honestly have no clue how much this little one (and others like him) has had to surrender, had to learn to yield to God's plans, to give up control, even when it feels to him like he will die if he does.  We would all do well to learn from Mikhail's example of endurance.  Maybe no one else would ever understand unless they'd seen it first hand, but God knows every moment and every little victory for truth that has been gained.  Each one has been celebrated in heaven!  And oh, how there must be some celebrating going on right now, over the anticipation of Mikhail's impact on this new little child and his ability to relate to their necessary healing.  One thing is for sure, Mikhail was strategically hand-picked to be this child's big brother, for GOOD and POWERFUL purposes!

Ken and I anticipate, too, the beauty that will come for our boy through this sibling relationship about to be born.  Beauty from ashes, that's the work of God, and it's seen so clearly here in my home.  What a privilege, what a blessing.  Thank You, Father for allowing me to watch You at work!

Dossier is DONE!

What can I say?  MY HUSBAND ROCKS!  After feeling led to tackle this dossier on his own (I prepared Mikhail's since Ken was working full time and finishing his degree at the time), Ken had the privilege of sending that puppy off to the agency via FedEx this past Friday.  Woo hoo!  What a relief!  We had to make a last minute mad dash down to San Antonio for a lingering document from our bank, but none the less, it's been sent and we are feeling quite... tired!  Relieved...and tired!

Proud Papa!

Never BEEN so proud of a box of paper!  Ain't she cute???

Since our adoption in 2006 I've starting seeing ads for companies that will prepare your dossier for you, and I guess you just show up and sign stuff in front of a notary.  I think this may be a business to look into because I can only imagine how much money a family would be willing to pay not to have to do all this on their own!  The only thing is most adoptive families are scraping their pennies to buy airplane tickets, so maybe it wouldn't be all that profitable after all. ;)  At any rate, I can't resist an opportunity to brag on my man.  The lady at the Secretary of State office who was assisting us in getting apostilles for each of our documents said "this is the most organized dossier I've ever seen!"  You go, Kenny. ;)

"Test Flight"... and the race to Houston!

Cutest flyer EVER!

Last week we were grateful to have a fun experience with our sweet boy to help prepare him for our upcoming journeys.  We took Mikhail on a short plane ride to Houston to "practice" what he will be doing so much of soon and to (hopefully) make this part of the journey something he looked forward to rather than fretted.  Have I mentioned we've learned it will now be THREE trips to bring Ana home instead of the two trips we took for Mikhail's adoption? Yep, lots and lots of frequent flyer miles will be racked up this year by the Fortner fam. :)

Froggy offers consolation during the bumpy parts

So, thanks to Southwest and their super cheap tickets to Houston, Mikhail and I were dropped off at the airport and than Ken immediately left to continue his journey driving while we flew.  Mikhail LOVED the idea of a race with Papa, and I think Ken felt a bit like he was in a "Top Gear" episode, so he was pretty in to it, too.Do I have the two cutest guys ever, or what???  Practically, this saved us money not having to fly back and it was one less ticket to purchase for the trip there.  At the airport, Mikhail was actually comforted by the security measures ("kind helpers" everywhere!), and he was in AWE watching the planes arrive at the gates while we waited for our flight.  It was truly one of those sweet forever memories watching him fly his little toy plane around as he watched the big planes outside land and take off.  Very cool, very little boy. :)  Boarding was a bit crowded and chaotic but some very sweet people basically said "stand here!" and let us cut in line so we were able to get situated before the plane got too crowded and of course find a window seat for our little flyer.  Things were going well... until the plane started to move.  As we began to back out of our gate, Mikhail looked up at me with pale face and big eyes and just kinda' got really still.  Not good!  Very familiar! Thankfully, some stiff pats on the back and firm reminders of Who really flew the airplanes brought him back within just a minute or two, and he was my happy, albeit nervous, little boy once more.  We've come so far!!!!!  Praise God!  The rest of the flight he was amazed by the beautiful clouds we flew through and giggled loud enough for the entire plane to hear.  We couldn't have asked for better weather or a more beautiful display of God's handiwork.  Once we began our decent (a whole 15 minutes later!), he was glued to the window, getting a bird's eye view of the highways and big trucks he loves so much.  He thought he saw Papa driving down there coming to get us. ;)  The landing was a bit rough, and later was described as his "most not favorite part," but all in all, the test flight was a success!  Once the plane came to a full stop, Mikhail shouted to all who were aboard "I did it!  I did it!"  Yes, you did, little man.  He now has a recent, positive experience to refer to when it is time for us to take all those much longer 14 hour+ flights to Russia.  The icing on the cake was the flight attendant who invited us in to see the pilot, a kind, warm man who let Mikhail sit in the seat next to him and push the throttle!  What a great way to end our little adventure!

Ken admits he was a bit jealous of this part ;)

Oh, and the race?  A perfect tie!  I texted Ken when we arrived at the baggage claim area right as he was pulling into the parking garage.  So, next time you need to get from Austin to Houston in a hurry, save yourself a few pennies and drive, knowing for sure you aren't losing any time!

Six Years Ago Today...

Birch tree forests from the train to Kirov

Six years ago today, Ken and I had made the adventure of a lifetime to a country we had never been to, to meet a child we had never seen, who would soon bear the name "Fortner" and become our forever child.  Many adoptive parents celebrate "Gotcha Day," the anniversary of their child's adoption.  Well, we celebrate three special times with our boy: April 4th (the day we first met him), June 9th (the day the courts said he was ours), and June 16th (the day we arrived on American soil and he officially became a US citizen).  Yesterday was our Metcha' Day... well worth a trip down memory lane!

We arrived in the Russian city of Kirov on the morning of April 4th after taking an overnight train ride from Moscow. As soon as we stepped off the train, it was clear we were in a hurry.  Our guides gave us 15 minutes to go to our hotel, set our bags down and change clothes quickly.

I was so nauseous!  About to meet my BABY?!?!?!  How in the world do you prepare yourself to meet your baby?!  No, don''t put mascara on, what are you thinking???  It will be all down your cheeks within 2 minutes!  After an hour long car ride bumpy enough to make my already unhappy tummy much worse, we pulled up to this little yellow building with the iron gate that I will never forget.  This is a mental picture that is forever imprinted on my brain.  All around were dirty drifts of snow from the nearby piles of coal used to warm the place which held roughly 400 babies under the age of 4.  One of those babies I had been staring at longingly in the three little pictures we had received just a few days earlier.  Love at first sight?  You bet!!!

In Russian style, we sat down to tea.  Tea?  I know, need to be a gracious guest, despite the fact that I WANT TO SEE MY BABY!!!  OK, tea was nice, and the beautiful lace tablecloth was so stereotypical Russian that it made me smile and settle in to the culture.  The warm smiles we received were unexpected and different from the people we saw on the streets.  They genuinely seemed glad we were there.  Meeting the Orphanage Director was truly one of the delights of this trip, something that really put my heart at ease a bit.  Dr. Oleg had a smile that transcended his inability to communicate with us through the language barrier.  Can you imagine doing his job?  I've never really thought much about the idea of "angels unaware" until I met him.  Soon, the door opened and heads turned... and there he was, the man of the hour:  my terrified, big eyed Andrushca.

If you've watched our Announcement video (there's a tab at the top of the page), you've seen this seen.  Ken was encouraged to sit down on the ground so he wouldn't appear so big and intimidating to the little guy who had probably met few other men besides Dr. Oleg.  So, Ken was on the floor with the video camera, and Mikhail's eyes were glued to him.  "What is THAT?  A huge guy with a big black box next to his eye?  And both of these weird-o's talk funny and smell funny and why are they crying?  Get me out of here!!!"  All of this came out in big crocodile tears, endless sniffles and a pouty lip that instantly melted my heart.  Eventually, the nanny convinced him to come past the "giant Papa" and, with a little help from a cookie, I touched my boy for the very first time, scooping him up into my lap and trying to keep my heart in my chest.  That first day was rough, to say the least.  For all three of us.  So much emotion swirling around!  It was a bit much for our Andrushca... he decided a nap would be a nice way to escape for a bit.  I don't blame him.

The next day, the 5th, we were allowed to return for another visit with him before we had to leave for America again.  Boy, was there ever a change in the mood!  We played and played and played with our sweet boy!  I kissed his cheeks!  I fed him cereal!  Papa rolled cars with him!  We tickled his belly and he laughed and laughed and laughed!  We saw funny faces he made and watched him yawn and get sleepy before his nap time.  He left the room for lunch and when they brought him back, he smelled like vegetable soup. :)  Like baby and vegetable soup... just wonderful.

As we drove away from Kotelnich Baby Home, Dr. Oleg stood at the door waving and smiling his gentle smile.  I sobbed so hard in the car that our guide suggested we stop and take a few pictures of the beautiful Russian countryside and frozen Vyatka River to try and cheer me up.  Sweet thought, but didn't work.  Preparing yourself to meet your baby is tough.  Preparing yourself to leave your baby is torturous.  All I can say is that God's grace is sufficient, even for this.

And soon?  We will do it all again.  This time, a little girl... who smells like baby and soup?  Sounds great to me.

We love you, sweet Andrushca Mikhail.