Lukas Homecoming - Photobook

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There's Just No Words... See for Yourself :)

"Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass."
I Thessalonians 5:24

FIVE DAYS Until Lukas Is In Our Arms for Good!

This morning is one of my last to wake up to an empty crib next to me...  :)

I can't wait to see how he looks when he's sleeping, find out which blanket he prefers, watch him wake up with slow blinks and big yawns.  Just a matter of days now!

Our family leaves this weekend for our third and final adventure to bring Lukas HOME.  All of this long waiting will soon come to an end!  Thanks for "anticipating" along with us...

The house is buzzing with excitement: Mikhail thoroughly enjoying all of the "powerful Big Brother" tasks he is assigned for our preparation, Papa diligently preparing the paperwork for our US Embassy trip to get Lukas' passport and visa, and Mama squeezing in  few more nursery details so everything is just right.

It all reminds me a lot of Christmas- so much rushing around in anxious anticipation; fun, good plans for someone we love so much, and yet has absolutely no clue all that awaits him.  He has NO CLUE how much we love him, want him, and have already incorporated him into our lives!

At the very peak of our anticipation, we ask you to join us in praying for this precious little clueless guy... while we fully understand the safe and loving home he will soon inhabit, Lukas' initial experiences will be foreign and even scary to him.  Despite all the change and all the loss of familiarity, please ask our capable Father to speak peacefully to his little heart and help him to find comfort in our arms.

Here are a few specifics:

• Comfort for Lukas- just imagine as an adult going through all the changes he will encounter (new country, new language, new food, new people, new smells, new experiences like plane and train rides), let alone as a little 22 month old little guy.
• Care for Lukas- that we will know how to treat him if he has any illnesses when we pick him up and that we will have wisdom to feed him the right things as his whole diet is about to change and he has some special dietary needs.
• Peacefulness for Big Brother's heart as he not only adjusts to sharing Mama & Papa, but as he also once again faces so many of his own fears.  I am unspeakably proud of my little Warrior.
• For our safety in the weather, especially my bouncy little Mikhail navigating on ice, and as we carry Lukas in our arms- the day we pick him up from the orphanage the forecast calls for "snow, sleet, and freezing rain."
• That the language barrier not be a hindrance in communicating our love to Lukas, and that when language is necessary, we would remember the right Russian words!
• That we would be a light for Christ where ever we go, and that we would love well those God has brought into our lives through both boys' adoptions.  Our Russian facilitators hold our well being in their hands while we are in their country, and they have been phenomenal.  Such special people...

Thank you for prayers, friends. :)

I have been obsessed with Psalm 121 the last few weeks.  One of the most powerful mental pictures I keep having is this scene of us carrying Lukas out of the doors of the orphanage, never to return again as an orphan.  Then, a short time later, Lukas walking into our home as a Fortner, a beloved, chosen child and forever member of our family.  "The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in..."

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;

From where shall my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

The Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun will not smite you by day nor the moon by night.

The Lord will protect you from all evil;

He will keep your soul.

The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in

From this time forth and forever.

LUKAS, HERE WE COME!

Home for now, but leaving again SOON!

As promised, God has done it, and Lukas' adoption is nearly complete!  I say nearly because we are still missing one crucial element... Lukas!

We just returned from our second trip to Russia for Lukas' court hearing.  The judge was very staunch and official as he questioned us about finances and preparation for another child, but in a lovely God-moment, his mood changed about half way through his questioning.  Of course we had no clue what he was talking about at first, but we recognized the car noises he made in his story. :)  We found out later through our interpreter he was recalling times when his own two sons played together when  they were young and made so much noise "it nearly drove him crazy."  After his story he promptly turned to me and asked, "Are you ready for two boys?" :)  He also read from our homestudy where Mikhail had told our social worker he was concerned that Lukas would break his toys.  The judge asked, "Are you prepared to handle such matters?"  I think I am, but we will see if Big Brother is! :0

We were able to see sweet Lukas for about two hours the day before court.  He looked great- he had grown, his hair had grown in a bit, and he was copying our words and play noises like crazy.  We had so much fun with him!  Have I mentioned he's ACTIVE?! :)  They showed us the pictures they had already had made for his visa, passport and citizenship documents.  I thought that was pretty sweet that they had done them already since we hadn't even had court yet.  The mood was so much different this time with Lukas, knowing that we would for sure be back soon to BRING HIM HOME him rather than having no clue how long we would wait like on our last trip.  It's still difficult letting go of him and watching your child walk out the door with a nanny to return to his regular routine (for now!), but our hearts were full of hope and peace.

Us in front of the Vyatka River in Kirov

While we were in Kirov we stayed an extra day so that the travel would not be so strenuous on us all and to be able to show Mikhail around his birthplace a bit.  God blessed us when we stumbled on a neat little history museum, and we took a bit of a walking tour to St. Griffins Orthodox church, and then walked along the bank of the beautiful Vyatka River that snakes through the region and sustains it in many ways.  Mikhail really enjoyed exploring and we got some great pictures that will be forever treasures.  We didn't plan that the boys would be from the same region, but I am so, so glad they are.

We head out again in two weeks!  We will receive custody of Lukas on October 30, and then we will stay in Moscow for a week or so getting his visa and passport in order.  When his sweet little feet hit American soil, he will immediately become a U.S. citizen. :)

I'm off to pack...again...  :)

He Acts on Behalf of Those Who WAIT ON HIM!

"You did awesome things which we did not expect... For from of old they have not heard nor perceived by ear, neither has the eye seen a God besides You, who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him."  Isaiah 64:3-4

I have no words!  And this is HIGHLY unusual for me!!!!! ;)  Well, O.K., I guess I have a few...

September 1st came and went this past weekend- the dreaded date that meant we missed having court before the new Russian adoption laws were implemented.  Then, early on the morning of Tuesday, September 4th, we get a call from Tania at Carolina Adoption Services:  because our paperwork was turned in to the courts before September1st, we were grandfathered in and none of the changes or new requirements apply to our adoption of Lukas.  Our court date has been scheduled for September 26, 2012!  In just a few weeks, our little one will legally become Lukas Isaiah Fortner.

This second trip will be another quick one, but we do get to visit Lukas the day before court.  We will also spend an extra day in Kirov so Mikhail can see some of the beautiful places there in his homeland- the Kirov ballet, Vyatka River, and St. Griffins church and monastery.  Funny enough, Mikhail's 8th birthday will be the day we fly home from this trip.  A fitting detail for a little boy currently obsessed with commercial airliners. ;)

Our third trip will be a month later.  Thirty days after court is when we receive custody of Lukas, and we will spend another week or so in Moscow for processing his passport and visa after we pick him up.  We should be back in the States with both boys in tow around the first week in November. What a Thanksgiving we will have!

And so it goes with adoption... we stand around helplessly waiting, while God does His amazing work.  That's how Louie Giglio defines GRACE- "God at work."   So much grace from God around here!

The Courthouse Where Both Our Boys Become Fortners!

Soon, little Lukas- a new name, a new life, a new inheritance... a beautiful picture of what Christ does for each of us when we call Him Savior.  Father, You are so, so good.  I'm joyfully satisfied to wait on You.

Prayer for Our Court Date

We're still in North America, and Lukas is still in Europe.... it's been a month since I first looked into those big, beautiful green eyes.  So gorgeous!

Is it wrong to want your children on the same continent with you?

Well, yes, sometimes I think it may be.

My friend, Lori, grew up as a Missionary Kid in Honduras with her family.  I met Lori in the States where she was attending college and working during the summers- that whole season of life spent miles and miles away from her mom and dad in South America.  When Lori got married, she married a missionary.  Now she and her family serve in Asia, a long, long way from her parents in Honduras.  Lori's parents have scarcely been on the same continent with their daughter since she graduated from high school.   I am in awe of their bravery and selflessness- with Lori, and now with their grandchildren, too.  Thank you, Mr & Mrs. Krause,  for loving your daughter enough to trust her to God, and for living out a brave example of faith for me to follow!

I can and I will trust the timing of Lukas' adoption to my very capable God, and I will choose NOT to "fret or have anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make my wants (Lukas!) known to God.  And God's peace shall be [mine], that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:8 AMP)

I wondered while waiting for Mikhail if this surrendering of my child before he's even legally mine would be a benefit years down the road when it's time for him to once again be physically separated from me.  Something tells me it will be very hard, then, too. :)  At least I have some time to let God keep growing my faith and surrendering my desires for control to His far superior plans.  I have much to learn!

I would ask you to join us in praying for our Court date to be scheduled soon.  It's looking like a slim chance to have court happen in August at this point, as we were hoping.  Not impossible, though, for God, of course.  If our date is scheduled after September 1 there will some additional requirements asked of us which will likely be a delay.  God knows, and His timing is perfect, and I truly want His timing- but He also tells us to ask.

So, join me in asking? :)

Lukas, our smiley little guy!

We just returned from meeting our precious baby boy!  God poured out His good gifts on every single part of the journey, and we can hardly believe it all went so smoothly!  He is GOOD!

Our first meeting with Lukas at the orphanage was delightful. :)  It didn't take him long at all to warm up to us, and within just a few minutes he smiled that gorgeous smile that hardly left him for the rest of our time together.  His big, beautiful eyes are hazel green, and he is bright, alert and active!  After a while of playing with him, he began snuggling in to us and running back to us to be held after he had been down playing.  He was very comfortable with Ken after only a short time, too, and it was an amazing, wonderful sight seeing my sweet man with his newest little guy. :)  Lukas appears to be healthy, appropriately chunky :), and not short on energy!  Our time could not possibly have gone better, and memories were made that will forever be etched in our  minds.  It all feels like a dream...

Mikhail ROCKED! He was the best little traveler we could have possibly hoped for, and he genuinely soaked up every part of the adventure.  From running in circles in Red Square to talking to Papa over the plane's intercom from the cockpit, he had a wonderful time and did not let fear or anything else squelch his joy.  I am a speechless Mama!  Four of the eight nights we were gone we were on a plane or a train and got little to no sleep, so considering the strenuous schedule we had, I am so thankful for God's grace for each of us to enjoy ourselves so much.  Every aspect was covered by God's good sustaining power.

The part I was most concerned about with this trip was for each of our hearts as we had to temporarily say good bye to Lukas until we come to see him for our court date.  Again, God has been so faithful to give us comfort and perfect peace about not having him here.  It's still very difficult to wait, but somehow God has just filled my heart with such peace that we will be returning soon and that he will be O.K. until we do, that I am anxious to return, but not undone.  The pictures and video we captured are nearly constantly being displayed somewhere in our house, and it helps to see that big, amazing grin of his.  If God is big enough to get us this far, is He not big enough to keep my little one safe while we complete the rest of this journey?! :)

We hope to return before the end of August, and so far it's looking promising.  A crucial piece of paperwork we were waiting for was in our stack of mail when we returned home, and it came weeks before we were expecting it.  Even our representative at the agency said, "It appears Someone is looking out for you!"  Yes, "Someone" has His eye on my baby boy, and the plans that were decided for him before the earth was made are unfolding right before our very eyes.  It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Thank you all for your prayers.  God is listening! :)

This Side of the Mountain

Adoption can truly be one of those "mountain-top" experiences.  You know, the kind of thing where you are so excited about what's to come that it feels like you're living in some kind of dream-like state, like when you wake up and you have to pinch yourself to make sure you really are about to experience this beautiful thing that's happening in your life.  Of course, all this fairy tale romanticism isn't exactly shared by our little one who is waiting for us.  The children never have a clue what is happening at this point in their adoption; they have no reason to expect anything different is coming.  But we KNOW!  We know our family is about to get bigger and a child's life is about to change forever and nothing in any of our lives will ever be the same!

The Kremlin towers in Moscow

It's good to be back at this place on the mountain top...but I know God doesn't intend for us to stay here. And that's fine.  I'd never really grow, otherwise.  All three of us have been in a pretty intense valley of growing for these past six years, and none of us are the same, by God's grace!  In fact, I'm sure one reason we have needed to do so much growing is to make us ready for this next little one's homecoming.  Still, it's a blessing to be savored being at a place once again where there is so much joy and hope and expectation of what God is doing in our family!  He is so patient!  I can hardly believe that He has said we are ready for this adventure... but I'm so sure He has.


We have been singing this song in our worship services lately and I I think it just perfectly sums up what God has been doing in our family and what He is doing now through this adoption, too.  He is just so good.  It's truly only by His grace that we are where we are today.  As Matt says, "Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise..."

NEVER ONCE
by Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us


Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful


You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

We are days away from meeting our little Lukas.  Hold on, little one!  Your faithful God is bringing you your family!

Anticipating....... LUKAS! :)

Funny thing about anticipation... you look forward to something that has not yet happened, so the chances of what you are looking forward to being different than what you originally thought are quite good.  And that's O.K.!  In fact, it's great, because it's a reminder that God is in control and has the ability to move in all kinds of different directions as He wills, and for our good.  God has intervened in our anticipation, and we are so thankful that He did!

"Sini Sabaka" (Blue Dog in Russian). 

So, to that end, and despite the blog title, we are now anticipating "Lukas." And we can hardly contain our excitement!

Last Monday we received a small amount of information about a little boy in Russia who needed a family.  Officially, this is called our referral.  We were instantly in love, and in less than two weeks time we will be holding that little one in our arms and making memories that we will remember for the rest of our lives.  Mikhail will have a little brother... and Mama will have her hands very full. :)

Since we found out about this little one, our activities have been a whirlwind of visas and tickets and details and lists.  Yet in the midst of all the crazy preparation, we don't forgot to stop and think about who it is all for- the one who we have anticipating for so long.  Little Lukas Fortner, so loved already with no clue what awaits him.  It's like time is moving way too fast for all that needs to be done, and at the same time, time just stops when we think of our newest family member.  What will he be like?  Will he like hot sauce on his tacos like Mikhail?  Will he will he hate cucumbers like Papa?  Will he love the rain like Mama?  How will he be his own little guy, with his own little quirks and own little preferences?  Time will tell...

Our family would greatly appreciate your prayers for our trip to meet our baby.  It's an amazing adventure that God is blessing us with, and that's the perspective that will keep us going when things get difficult and we are all over tired.  Mostly, we need prayers for our hearts as we have to leave the country without Lukas.  It will be a long wait for us, waiting to find out when we can return for our court date.  Please ask God to fill us with His peace until the day when we can bring Lukas home to be here with us forever.  Our family ambassador, Sini Sabaka (pictured above), will be able to stay with Lukas until we see him on our next trip. Lucky dog. :)

1 Thessalonians 5:24:-  "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass."

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Our Dossier is in Russia!

One of my favorite pix of "church row" in Moscow, from our trip to get Mikhail. 

Ken realized yesterday from looking at our FedEx account that our dossier had been sent over that big old ocean and arrived in Russia last Friday.  It's probably being translated, then sent to the Department of Education to be reviewed before we receive our referral information.  It's SUCH a good feeling knowing we are finally dealing with the Russian gov't side of the adoption.  PROGRESS!

Please pray with us that the hearts of those who touch our paperwork and read about our family will be directed by God and the whole process will  move along efficiently.

 Of course, please pray, too, for our sweet little one who is waiting for us with know idea how their little life is about to be impacted!  What good gifts await you, sweet one!

Meanwhile.... I'm off to price garage sale stuff! :)

Beauty from Ashes- Six Years of God's Growing Beautiful Things in Mikhail's Heart

By God's beautiful grace alone, this past weekend we celebrated our 6th anniversary of being a family.

This year was very different, as Mikhail's "Gotcha Day" caused me to reflect back to when he came home, but also on our second child's adoption, and what impact this will all have on Mikhail.

I think my little boy recently received the biggest compliment he could ever possibly receive about all that he has learned and the hard, hard healing he has achieved through this six years of being in a family.  The compliment was from God, and it so took Ken and I by surprise that it didn't sink in for several weeks after He spoke.  God said to us this:  Your son is ready to be a big brother, and he is ready for all the adventures that lie ahead in bringing a new child into your family.


These next few months will be rough for Mikhail.  For any child, the endless plane and train rides, jet lag, unfamiliar culture and surroundings would be difficult.  Also, adjusting to another child in the house and sharing attention from his parents will be a challenge for him.  But Mikhail has unique needs, too, that stem from his losses early in life.  He has fears that are deep rooted and creep up on him over things that seem so innocent and normal.  And yet God has said, "He is ready."  

I'm in awe of my boy for this.  Oh, the hours of heart surgery that he has endured!  I'm in awe of God, too- of His faithfulness, His mind renewing abilities, His glorious plan in the midst of terrifically hard circumstances.

God knew this time would come, even when my doubt was great.  For literally years Ken and I have argued with God about adopting again for this very reason.  "He's not ready, God!  It's too much!  He has more healing to do!"  But God has spoken so clearly now that we know that we cannot argue.  We shut our mouths like Job...and anticipate amazing things!  My boy- with all his struggles and all his need for greater depths of healing- my boy is ready to go on a journey that will change him forever.  I couldn't be prouder!  All this growing has come at a pretty high price, and my heart soars to think that God is blessing him now with such a terrific gift.

This hard, dirty work God has brought our family through is reaping a harvest of beauty.  It's been an immense privilege to watch my strong boy endure what it has meant for his heart to heal.  We grown ups honestly have no clue how much this little one (and others like him) has had to surrender, had to learn to yield to God's plans, to give up control, even when it feels to him like he will die if he does.  We would all do well to learn from Mikhail's example of endurance.  Maybe no one else would ever understand unless they'd seen it first hand, but God knows every moment and every little victory for truth that has been gained.  Each one has been celebrated in heaven!  And oh, how there must be some celebrating going on right now, over the anticipation of Mikhail's impact on this new little child and his ability to relate to their necessary healing.  One thing is for sure, Mikhail was strategically hand-picked to be this child's big brother, for GOOD and POWERFUL purposes!

Ken and I anticipate, too, the beauty that will come for our boy through this sibling relationship about to be born.  Beauty from ashes, that's the work of God, and it's seen so clearly here in my home.  What a privilege, what a blessing.  Thank You, Father for allowing me to watch You at work!

Dossier is DONE!

What can I say?  MY HUSBAND ROCKS!  After feeling led to tackle this dossier on his own (I prepared Mikhail's since Ken was working full time and finishing his degree at the time), Ken had the privilege of sending that puppy off to the agency via FedEx this past Friday.  Woo hoo!  What a relief!  We had to make a last minute mad dash down to San Antonio for a lingering document from our bank, but none the less, it's been sent and we are feeling quite... tired!  Relieved...and tired!

Proud Papa!

Never BEEN so proud of a box of paper!  Ain't she cute???

Since our adoption in 2006 I've starting seeing ads for companies that will prepare your dossier for you, and I guess you just show up and sign stuff in front of a notary.  I think this may be a business to look into because I can only imagine how much money a family would be willing to pay not to have to do all this on their own!  The only thing is most adoptive families are scraping their pennies to buy airplane tickets, so maybe it wouldn't be all that profitable after all. ;)  At any rate, I can't resist an opportunity to brag on my man.  The lady at the Secretary of State office who was assisting us in getting apostilles for each of our documents said "this is the most organized dossier I've ever seen!"  You go, Kenny. ;)

"Test Flight"... and the race to Houston!

Cutest flyer EVER!

Last week we were grateful to have a fun experience with our sweet boy to help prepare him for our upcoming journeys.  We took Mikhail on a short plane ride to Houston to "practice" what he will be doing so much of soon and to (hopefully) make this part of the journey something he looked forward to rather than fretted.  Have I mentioned we've learned it will now be THREE trips to bring Ana home instead of the two trips we took for Mikhail's adoption? Yep, lots and lots of frequent flyer miles will be racked up this year by the Fortner fam. :)

Froggy offers consolation during the bumpy parts

So, thanks to Southwest and their super cheap tickets to Houston, Mikhail and I were dropped off at the airport and than Ken immediately left to continue his journey driving while we flew.  Mikhail LOVED the idea of a race with Papa, and I think Ken felt a bit like he was in a "Top Gear" episode, so he was pretty in to it, too.Do I have the two cutest guys ever, or what???  Practically, this saved us money not having to fly back and it was one less ticket to purchase for the trip there.  At the airport, Mikhail was actually comforted by the security measures ("kind helpers" everywhere!), and he was in AWE watching the planes arrive at the gates while we waited for our flight.  It was truly one of those sweet forever memories watching him fly his little toy plane around as he watched the big planes outside land and take off.  Very cool, very little boy. :)  Boarding was a bit crowded and chaotic but some very sweet people basically said "stand here!" and let us cut in line so we were able to get situated before the plane got too crowded and of course find a window seat for our little flyer.  Things were going well... until the plane started to move.  As we began to back out of our gate, Mikhail looked up at me with pale face and big eyes and just kinda' got really still.  Not good!  Very familiar! Thankfully, some stiff pats on the back and firm reminders of Who really flew the airplanes brought him back within just a minute or two, and he was my happy, albeit nervous, little boy once more.  We've come so far!!!!!  Praise God!  The rest of the flight he was amazed by the beautiful clouds we flew through and giggled loud enough for the entire plane to hear.  We couldn't have asked for better weather or a more beautiful display of God's handiwork.  Once we began our decent (a whole 15 minutes later!), he was glued to the window, getting a bird's eye view of the highways and big trucks he loves so much.  He thought he saw Papa driving down there coming to get us. ;)  The landing was a bit rough, and later was described as his "most not favorite part," but all in all, the test flight was a success!  Once the plane came to a full stop, Mikhail shouted to all who were aboard "I did it!  I did it!"  Yes, you did, little man.  He now has a recent, positive experience to refer to when it is time for us to take all those much longer 14 hour+ flights to Russia.  The icing on the cake was the flight attendant who invited us in to see the pilot, a kind, warm man who let Mikhail sit in the seat next to him and push the throttle!  What a great way to end our little adventure!

Ken admits he was a bit jealous of this part ;)

Oh, and the race?  A perfect tie!  I texted Ken when we arrived at the baggage claim area right as he was pulling into the parking garage.  So, next time you need to get from Austin to Houston in a hurry, save yourself a few pennies and drive, knowing for sure you aren't losing any time!

Six Years Ago Today...

Birch tree forests from the train to Kirov

Six years ago today, Ken and I had made the adventure of a lifetime to a country we had never been to, to meet a child we had never seen, who would soon bear the name "Fortner" and become our forever child.  Many adoptive parents celebrate "Gotcha Day," the anniversary of their child's adoption.  Well, we celebrate three special times with our boy: April 4th (the day we first met him), June 9th (the day the courts said he was ours), and June 16th (the day we arrived on American soil and he officially became a US citizen).  Yesterday was our Metcha' Day... well worth a trip down memory lane!

We arrived in the Russian city of Kirov on the morning of April 4th after taking an overnight train ride from Moscow. As soon as we stepped off the train, it was clear we were in a hurry.  Our guides gave us 15 minutes to go to our hotel, set our bags down and change clothes quickly.

I was so nauseous!  About to meet my BABY?!?!?!  How in the world do you prepare yourself to meet your baby?!  No, don''t put mascara on, what are you thinking???  It will be all down your cheeks within 2 minutes!  After an hour long car ride bumpy enough to make my already unhappy tummy much worse, we pulled up to this little yellow building with the iron gate that I will never forget.  This is a mental picture that is forever imprinted on my brain.  All around were dirty drifts of snow from the nearby piles of coal used to warm the place which held roughly 400 babies under the age of 4.  One of those babies I had been staring at longingly in the three little pictures we had received just a few days earlier.  Love at first sight?  You bet!!!

In Russian style, we sat down to tea.  Tea?  I know, need to be a gracious guest, despite the fact that I WANT TO SEE MY BABY!!!  OK, tea was nice, and the beautiful lace tablecloth was so stereotypical Russian that it made me smile and settle in to the culture.  The warm smiles we received were unexpected and different from the people we saw on the streets.  They genuinely seemed glad we were there.  Meeting the Orphanage Director was truly one of the delights of this trip, something that really put my heart at ease a bit.  Dr. Oleg had a smile that transcended his inability to communicate with us through the language barrier.  Can you imagine doing his job?  I've never really thought much about the idea of "angels unaware" until I met him.  Soon, the door opened and heads turned... and there he was, the man of the hour:  my terrified, big eyed Andrushca.

If you've watched our Announcement video (there's a tab at the top of the page), you've seen this seen.  Ken was encouraged to sit down on the ground so he wouldn't appear so big and intimidating to the little guy who had probably met few other men besides Dr. Oleg.  So, Ken was on the floor with the video camera, and Mikhail's eyes were glued to him.  "What is THAT?  A huge guy with a big black box next to his eye?  And both of these weird-o's talk funny and smell funny and why are they crying?  Get me out of here!!!"  All of this came out in big crocodile tears, endless sniffles and a pouty lip that instantly melted my heart.  Eventually, the nanny convinced him to come past the "giant Papa" and, with a little help from a cookie, I touched my boy for the very first time, scooping him up into my lap and trying to keep my heart in my chest.  That first day was rough, to say the least.  For all three of us.  So much emotion swirling around!  It was a bit much for our Andrushca... he decided a nap would be a nice way to escape for a bit.  I don't blame him.

The next day, the 5th, we were allowed to return for another visit with him before we had to leave for America again.  Boy, was there ever a change in the mood!  We played and played and played with our sweet boy!  I kissed his cheeks!  I fed him cereal!  Papa rolled cars with him!  We tickled his belly and he laughed and laughed and laughed!  We saw funny faces he made and watched him yawn and get sleepy before his nap time.  He left the room for lunch and when they brought him back, he smelled like vegetable soup. :)  Like baby and vegetable soup... just wonderful.

As we drove away from Kotelnich Baby Home, Dr. Oleg stood at the door waving and smiling his gentle smile.  I sobbed so hard in the car that our guide suggested we stop and take a few pictures of the beautiful Russian countryside and frozen Vyatka River to try and cheer me up.  Sweet thought, but didn't work.  Preparing yourself to meet your baby is tough.  Preparing yourself to leave your baby is torturous.  All I can say is that God's grace is sufficient, even for this.

And soon?  We will do it all again.  This time, a little girl... who smells like baby and soup?  Sounds great to me.

We love you, sweet Andrushca Mikhail.

Let's Party!

The journey toward bringing Ana home continues!  And isn't everything more fun when you are doing it along side friends?

Jen, Rebekah, Lyssa and Tania

Tania's house turned art studio & nail salon!

Yesterday Ken, Mikhail, Ana and I were all VERY blessed by the ladies in our small group from Grace Covenant.  Tania, Lyssa and Rebekah hosted a Manicure and Art sale at Tania's home to raise money for our adoption of little Ana!  It was a BLAST, and I had a wonderful time meeting some new sweet friends and getting to talk about what God is doing to bring home our little girl.  We snacked, chatted, had our hands moisturized and nails painted, and browsed Tania's dining room full of my art from Spotted Puppy Studios on Etsy (spottedpuppy.etsy.com).  When all was said and done, not only were 11 pieces of art sold, but also these sweet women were beautifully generous in giving donations toward our adoption, too.  Just amazing...  Ken and I were overwhelmed by everyone's generosity, just humbled and overwhelmed!  So many offered to keep us in prayer throughout the rest of the process, and that means the world to me.  We know God will in return bless each person involved yesterday, including my three "Life Group Girls," for their thoughtfulness and willingness to invest in our lives and Ana's homecoming.  Thank you just doesn't seem like enough!  Big adventures like these are made a lot less scary when you know you are walking through it with friends.  So, so thankful for you all.  :)

A few things from my shop

"Spotted Puppy," Grace

"Spotted Puppy," Nick

Ken pointed out that I had not posted much about our Etsy store (Spotted Puppy Studios), and what God was doing there, so I thought I'd give you a bit of history on how it all started.  When Mikhail came home I was looking for ways to help him with some of the big hurts he had from so much loss and pain in his little heart.  I ended up drawing many, many pictures that either represented something of his birth and adoption story or that symbolized a truth of how God was healing him and protecting him.  Eventually I realized that this was not only helpful for Mikhail, but it was so, so healthy for my soul, too!  Ken began calling the cart where I keep my art supplies my "therapy cart" because it was such a great way for me to unwind and feel peaceful. :)  When we began Ana's adoption process, the idea came to us that since I would probably be doing some type of art anyway, maybe we could use it to raise money for adoption expenses.  So, Spotted Puppy Studios (bet you can guess the two little inspirations for that name...) was born in February!  Ken and I are now officially business partners, and while he does all the hard work, I get to sit around and draw. :)  I make watercolor & pencil drawing for children's rooms and nurseries, and our shop can be found on the Etsy website, which is like an online craft show for all things handmade.  Some of you who are reading this blog are probably some of the first clients for Spotted Puppy Studios, so let me take the opportunity once again to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!  All of you at the "Dell Division" of Spotted Puppy- THANK YOU!!! :)  This has been a very fun part of what God is doing in Ana's adoption process- something I never, ever would have dreamed He would do!  It's just like Him to use something you think is for your child to really reveal things about yourself...I think this little shop is teaching me things about confidence that I will be able to pass on to my sweet Ana.  Yep, just like Him...

How a Mama Stays Sane... and Ana's Jar

There's this funny thing that happens during the process of adoption... nothing really changes from the outside, no big thing looks different, no one would suspect anything life-altering is going on...and yet this huge, forever change happens inside the hearts of those who are waiting for the little one who is to come.  You realize this little person is real.  She's always been real to God, but all of the sudden she has been labeled as "yours."  Even without laying eyes on her or having a clue where she is, she becomes "daughter."  And this happens long before any official paper ever declares her so.  I guess you would call it falling in love.

While this part of waiting for our Ana is very special and even strategic to the relationship that will come, it also has its down side.  If you love someone, you are concerned for their welfare, want their best, feel a need to protect them.  In loving Ana before we meet her, we are forced to admit where she is right now- far away, unaware of her family waiting, lonely.  Unable to get to her, not knowing where she is, how she is doing, whether she is warm, healthy, satisfied- it's enough to drive a mama mad!

Thankfully God gives such mamas great relief in His Word:

"O Lord, you have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed"    Psalm 10:17-18

This is real, too.  These words are not just a pretty phrase inside a Hallmark card- they are what I put 100% of my trust in for my daughter to be safe and provided for until we can have her in our arms (and after!).  So I can be sane.  I can know that she will be brought to us at exactly the right time.  I will choose to trust my very big, very capable God.

One of Mikhail's biggest struggles about his own adoption is wondering what Papa and I were doing while he was waiting for us to come for him.  I don't blame him- that's a good question!  As much I've tried to explain the complicated maze of paperwork & approval from the powers that be, I think watching it all unfold while we wait for Ana is the biggest help of all.  To try to find a way for Ana to have this same question answered, we have started an "Ana Jar" as a visible way to show her how much we loved and prayed for her while we waited for her to be home.  Each time we pray for Ana, spend time daydreaming about her, or fill out some random piece of paper needed for her homecoming, we add a little paper heart to her jar.  On hard days, we add a whole handful.  It's funny how something so simple gives such a sense of relief!  I hope this little reminder of our love will speak to her heart some day.

Mikhail giggles as I tell him we couldn't find a jar big enough to hold all the thoughts God has of Ana.  "How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!"  Psalm 139:17

Praying for Ana, too?  Stop by and drop your own heart in the jar. Or send us a note... Big Brother would be thrilled to add a heart or two on your behalf!  :)

Homestudy is Done...One Step Closer!

Mailing contracts to CAS!

Yesterday, Jenna from Adoption answers came back out to our house for the first time since Mikhail's post-placement reports were finished a few years ago.  It was good to see Jenna again and to work with someone familiar to have this new homestudy done for Ana's adoption.  It was great, too, to get to "show off" our sweet boy and how he has grown and matured since she saw him last. :)  Jenna will need a few weeks to get her notes and all our information organized the way they need to be presented within the dossier, then our agency (CAS) will approve everything inside the homestudy and it will be ready to head off for translation in Russia.

While Jenna is getting her part ready, I have been given the go-ahead to start gathering the rest if the documents for our dossier.  Whoopee!  We sent in our signed contracts to CAS last week so we are officially part of the Russia Program at CAS now and working on our dossier.  In my strange little brain I enjoy this step because it gives me something to have some control over in this whole event that is waaaaay too complicated for me to pretend like I can be in control!  I will be running all over Austin, San Antonio, Houston, etc. to get what we need, so there will be a lot of "car-schooling" taking place in the next few weeks....but it will be fun to have my sidekick along while we keep making progress toward bringing little sister home.

My sweet guys at work!

We used the homestudy as an excuse to get Ana's room painted.  I've been daydreaming about how to decorate her walls (my favorite part!), so I think we will be painting birch trees on one wall with Russian dancing bears on canvases or in frames on the other walls.  I think it will be very peaceful with the soothing colors and sweet matroyshkas and smiling bears all around.  Seeing her room come together helps the realization sink in that there will soon be another little human being in our house. :)  God speed, Ana!

Poor, Poor, Papa...

Papa tangled in cords

More prep for the home study!  Well, another child means another room needed for keeping said child...which means Ken's office/music room is officially bye-bye.  Not that he gave it up begrudgingly (sweet, wonderful man that he is!), but the part that was a struggle was going through all of the stuff that needed to be relocated.  Hard drives and motherboards and tangled chords, oh my!  My guy is a collector of all things techy, so the good news is that he found LOTS of good garage sale fodder in all of his stuff.  And hey, what we sell means adoption money, but equally important is that we don't have to find space to store it. :)  Don't worry, I'm doing my share of pitching of clearing out and making garage sale sacrifices, as well, to be fair!  Of course you could hardly call it a "sacrifice" compared to what we are gaining... won't she be so cute peeking over the edge of that crib at us?????  :)  And by the way, the music and computer things are not all gone... we now have a drum set, etc., etc. set in our master bedroom...

Sweet Cheeks on the train with wonderful Blue Sippy

Oh, the adventures that await you, Green Sippy!

On another note we made a trip down to REI today, almost entirely to look for sippies.  Yes, I know Target carries them, too, but we found the cutest Nalgene sippy there when we were waiting for Mikhail to come home and thought how cute he'd be hiking with us with his own little hiking bottle like ours.  Little did we know that first night we received custody of our boy and whisked him away on the Trans-Siberian Express, that blue sippy would become one of the greatest forms of entertainment for all three of us.  The idea of full access to his own little pint-sized, spill-proof water source was just too good to be true!  Blue sippy barely left his sight until we got home and he opened the cabinet to reveal a whole HERD of sippies all just for him!  Anyway, we felt the need to repeat the REI trip in hopes of finding just the right sippy for little Miss Ana.  Yes, I know it's green and green is my favorite color, and yes, there was a pink one to choose from too, but honest, we let Mikhail pick.  And no, I wasn't disappointed.  Oh, how I can't wait to watch her enjoy Green Sippy!

Interesting week...but decorating helps! :)

Ana's Nursery Fabric

Some of you may have seen the articles posted on multiple major news networks about Russia suspending all adoptions to the US.  On Monday our social worker told us to postpone our home study because of all of this.  After spending a very stressful Monday wondering what lie ahead, we found out that it was untrue.  Tania Griasnow, the Russia Program Coordinator from Carolina Adoption Services told us to proceed "without delay!" on Ana's adoption process. :)  O.K. by me!  All three regions (including the region where Mikhail is from) that CAS is currently working with are running smoothly and processing adoptions consistently.  In fact, two families with CAS are traveling for their court dates as we speak.  It sure was a thrill to hear all of that!  As soon as I can get my incredibly handsome IT guy to help me figure out how, I will post a map of the three possible regions it sounds like Ana may come from.

Such a good reminder that it's so silly to pretend like we are in control of this whole thing.  God alone can orchestrate such a complicated process to bring our child home from half way across the planet.  "The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes."  Proverbs 21:1

In the meantime, all this week's uneasiness has been made better by day dreaming about Ana's nursery...  fabric arrived last week, paint to come on Thursday. Ahhhhhh......  nesting is good for a Mama's soul. :)

We are gathering documents to give to our social worker for our home study that has now been scheduled.  Yeah!  Big step!  March 3rd will be our home study, so no one call us on March 2... we won't hear the phone, we will be vacuuming. :)

Alas, one of the documents required our doctor to sign off that Mikhail was up to date with all his immunizations...except there was one guy we missed, so...  his first opportunity to be BRAVE for little Ana!  Seeing Mama get allergy shots twice a week has done a world of good for him to be not so nervous about getting one himself.  He handled it like a champ!  Ken and I got off much easier- no shots, no additional co-pays.  Whoo hoo!  Thanks, Dr. Hughes!

Ice cream for a brave boy, and three more checks on my list of home study documents.  Good day!